This Isn’t Your Grandparent’s Marriage

Hey everyone we’re exited to be back with you every FIRST Monday. Today we have a blog from guest blogger Lakisha Johnson.

My grandparents were married 65 years before my grandfather passed away. He and my Grams (as I called her) were thirteen and fifteen when they married. Mere children and somehow,they managed to stay together all those years. Lean in, it wasn’t easy. See, during the era of my grandparents, you rarely heard of people divorcing. Oh, they’d separate but divorcing really wasn’t a thing. Through raising children that ran into the double digits, most times, to struggling to overcome racism and poverty; marriage wasn’t easy.

But you know this, right? You know the strains and struggle. You know the burdens. You know the sacrifices. You know the weight. Then why are you trying to build your marriage on the backs of your grandparents when you don’t know the half of what it took to make it? Your marriage is your marriage and what worked for them, might not work for you.

Pause and allow me to clarify something … Every marriage is different. I will never tell anyone to stay in a marriage and put up with some of the things my grandparents endured while married in their era. I’m only sharing to encourage you to find what works for your marriage in order to sustain it for 60+ years.

You know why I can share? I’ve been married 22 years, since I was 21 years old. I know the strains of marriage. I know about infidelity, struggle, debt, him not liking me and I couldn’t stand him. I know the harshness of marriage and moving back with my grandparents when I was over it. See, I thought marriage was what I saw in my grandparents. As long as I did my part as the wife, he’d do his part as the husband. As long as we both contributed, came home and functioned things would work. Man was I wrong. Marriage is a whole lot more.

It’s sacrificing, giving, going, shutting up when necessary, speaking up when you have to, apologizing, being, doing, believing, struggling, overcoming, loving, trusting, honoring, praying, fasting, covering, shielding, protecting, compromising, warring in the sprit, destroying yokes,  ___________ (you fill in the blank).

This is why you have to stop expecting your marriage to mimic what you saw grandma and granddad or others in your familydo. Your marriage isn’t your grandparent’s marriage. YOU AIN’T BUILT THE SAME! Yeah, I said it. We give up to easy. We throw the deuces as soon as times get hard. We want the forty-thousand-dollar wedding and two-dollar marriage. We argue and put other folk in the business. We get angry and go to social media. Baby, this isn’t your grandparent’s marriage. They were married at 15, raising ten and twenty children off one income in a 3-bedroom house. We got the houses with multiple rooms and yet we’ll still storm out the house after an argument. 

Read this carefully … when I say your marriage isn’t your grandparent’s marriage, neither is it your parent’s, his/her parent’s, your sister/brother’s, best friend’s, pastor’s, or anybody else marriage. This is your marriage. You and your spouse have to create a marriage that works for the both of you. Sure, it may look different than what you’ve been accustomed to seeing, that’s okay. Sure, it may not be the way self-help books portrayed, that’s alright. It might not look like the happily ever after movies, it wasn’t meant to.

Your marriage is your marriage. DO WHAT KEEPS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE HAPPY.

If this means changing your thinking, so be it.

If this means marriage counseling, so be it.

If this means different traditions, so be it.

If this means moving, so be it.

You owe it to yourself and each other because the length of a marriage means nothing when you’re both on opposite ends of it.  Marriage isn’t about being perfect. Marriage isn’t about worshipping him or bowing down to her. Marriage isn’t happy wife, happy life … marriage is healthy spouses, surviving houses. It’s about loving each other enough to ensure you’re meeting each other’s needs. Marriage is caring for the other when they’re sick, knowing when something is off by their tone or knowing what they will or will not eat. Marriage is about compromise and making choices together. Marriage is about getting angry but not leaving and admitting when you’re wrong. Marriage is apologizing and saying I love you. Marriage is about the simple things like getting to your car to see your husband has made sure to put your umbrella in there because it’s raining and today is your beauty shop day. Marriage is when your wife doesn’t fuss every time you leave the toilet seat up. 

Marriage isn’t for show, but it should be for sure. And if you get nothing else from this, glean one point … your marriage is YOUR marriage.

Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

HISTORY

Yesterday Black History Month ended. Black History celebrates the struggles and triumphs made by African-Americans in the United States. It’s celebrated once a year and then in large part mostly forgotten about.

The truth of the matter is we all have history we would like to forget. Some of that history may be things we are ashamed of in our past. Perhaps those things happened with the person who you are in a relationship with now.

However, that does not negate the fact that there is some good things in our past that deserve to be celebrated.

Relationships are made of hills and valleys. We may complain about the valley but the deeper the valley the higher the hill. In other words we don’t really find out what we are made of or how strong we are until we bounce back from life’s disappointments.

It’s our history that pushes us forward.

It’s our history that provides lessons.

It’s our history that gives us roadmaps.

We have NO FUTURE without OUR HISTORY‼️

So instead of allowing our history to cripple us we must use to catapult us. Just because we had a troubled history does not mean we cannot have a treasured relationship in the future.

This year we will have been together for 25 years, WE HAVE HISTORY.

Good and bad, ups and downs.

It’s not the promise of my future that gives me hope, it’s the problems of our past that we’ve conquered together that gives me assurance that we will continue to make #blackhistory

TIS THE SEASON

We often hear relationships are give and take. However, if we are going to be honest we are more apt to take instead of give. It is nothing wrong with this because we all are looking to see what is in it for us. It is not so much as a selfish desire as it is a natural human desire. Relationships are really defined by the taking instead of the giving.

If the woman never takes the man advances, there is no relationship.

If the man never takes the woman on a date, there is no relationship.

If the woman never takes the engagement ring, there is no relationship.

If the man never takes the responsibility as the head, there is no relationship.

Basically, the relationship can begin and end if there is no taking. But every relationship has its limits on to how much can be taken with no reciprocation.

During, this season everyone is making a list and checking it twice on the things the want to receive or take but very few are making a list of what they want to give. Husband and wives should make lists on what they want to give, not just during Christmas but year round.

Giving is an essential part of who we are as Christians. We are made in the image of God. This means we are made to be givers. The Bible tells us in John 3:16, for God so loved that He gave His only begotten son. If we are made in the image of God we should be focused on giving, instead of taking. We should focus on our divine nature instead of our human nature.

When we focus on our divine nature then not only are we looking to give instead of take. We are putting the needs of others above our own. When this happens we operate in love. When love is in operation it opens up all the possibilities God intends for us to partake in. However, we cannot do it without faith. Galatians 5:6 tells us faith works by love. We are taught to build our relationships on love but rarely discuss allowing faith to be one of the key building blocks.

The truth is many do not want to be givers or are not givers due to the fact that they have a lack of faith. We are restrained and withhold our best in relationships because we are afraid of being taken advantage of. We do not want to seem like we are the only one giving and not getting anything in return. When believers think like this, it is because their mind is not renewed to Gods word.

This is not the mindset we should have in Kingdom Relationships, we should always be looking to give. Whether we are giving our time, we are giving our money or if we are giving our hearts to our spouses. If are apprehensive about giving it is because we are operating out of fear instead of faith. The scripture again tells us in 1 John 4:18 that perfect love cast out fear. Love is the key to allow faith to operate in our lives. Tis is the season for us to seek out perfect love and only perfect love can come from God.

SECURITY SYSTEMS

We all have seen security systems, whether they are in our homes, cars or offices. Of course, there are all different types and even more manufactures of these security systems. The most popular kind are the DIY or do-it-yourself security systems. Regardless of who owns these security systems, they are designed to provide us some level of protection and peace. The systems are designed to keep out those who we do not want to enter into our most private spaces and access our most precious valuables.

Also we all have insecurities, some are more apparent than others. Some of us hide them better than others. Some of us are more accepting than others. The fact remains is we all have insecurities and do not let anyone tell you different.

These insecurities act as both conscious and subconscious security systems. There are times when our security systems activate unconsciously. This is done so we keep people away from our private spaces and deny them access to our valuables. These valuables are things like friendship, affection and even love.

A lot of times people enter into new relationships with old baggage. This baggage often causes many problems and issues within the new relationship, These are often left unaddressed until it becomes too late. However, this baggage is often hidden because of our insecurities. We hide how we feel or how we feel about others because we often fear our feelings will not be reciprocated.

THIS IS AN INSECURITY

An insecurity is nothing more than a lack of confidence. We are not condign we can ever be loved again. We are not confident we can ever find peace again. We are not confident we can ever be whole again.

THESE ARE INSECURITIES

Again we all have insecurities. We have some we have carried since childhood. We have others that are newly formed and we have some we have completely forgotten about. Insecurities are like volcanoes waiting to erupt. They exist and are powerful but if left unchecked they can cause us to erupt into a deep state of depression. Insecurities are not easily overcome but we can make progress toward recovery.

This is why it is important to address them, especially if you are in a committed relationship. We must be able to be open and exposed to our significant others. We must let them know how we hurt, how we are scared and our most vulnerable points. This is where true healing comes and is realized in these moments. Notice we said moments, because it may take several moments, it may take several days, it may take months and perhaps for some it may take years to overcome these insecurities we face.

For many of us we are secure with our insecurities. These insecurities allow us to be comfortable with who we have become, rather than who God has created us to be. We use our insecurities as excuses to forgo new friendships, to avoid seeking out new careers and to even win souls.

WE ARE SECURE WITH OUR INSECURE SYSTEMS

The problem is not that we fear change, so much as we fear what could become of that change. We fear being judged even further, ostracized even more, ridiculed even more because being different is something we could never imagine. This must change if we are ever to become who God has designed us to be. God has made us to be individuals, to be different, to be different heights, to weigh different amounts, to sound different, to be exactly who He imagined us to be long before the earth was ever formed. How can we be so sure? Look around. Look at your family, friends, your place of employment, your community and most importantly look at your Bible. So be confident in who God has made you to be, you will learn that this is the foundation of real confidence. Knowing who God has created you to be and who He has destined you to be.

THIS IS SECURITY

WHY

Our first year of marriage, we experienced great difficulty connecting with one another and “becoming one” as the Bible describes. We would argue over just about anything; finances, personality differences, sex, and even taking out the trash. During this time, I (Clay) began to develop a friendly relationship (or so I thought) with a lady that I worked with. She was not the type of woman that I would normally gravitate towards; however, due to the strain in my marriage and the emotional bond that was forming between she and I, I slowly began to desire her physically.

I had entered into an extremely dangerous zone by allowing myself to form an emotional connection with a woman other than my spouse. This type of relationship operates like a silent killer. It starts off innocent and naïve but will almost always lead to destruction  and have you attempting to figure out how in the world you ended up in that position.

The more that I engaged in friendly conversation with my co-worker, the greater the temptation grew until I eventually pursued physical intimacy with her. I sent her a text message to arrange a meet up outside of work hours. The night of our “date” I left my wife and our two small children at home and headed out to meet with this woman.

As I drove on that road on the way to destruction the Lord spoke to my heart and said these words, “Clay, what are you doing?” Those five words struck my heart so deeply that I pulled into a parking lot, put my car in park and began to weep like a baby. My heart became very heavy at the thought of sinning against God and betraying my wife. After several minutes, I put my car in drive, turned around and went back home. 

It was the Word of God and my relationship with the Lord that kept me from destroying myself and my marriage that day. I desired to please God and knowing that I was grieving Him in that moment was the reason I could not follow through. Unfortunately, at that time I didn’t understand that although I did not physically cheat on my wife, I had already broken my marriage vows by engaging in an emotionally intimate relationship with another woman. I had  already betrayed my wife. My wife didn’t find out what I’d done that day, but it did eventually surface (what’s done in the dark will always come to the light) , and I almost lost my marriage over it.

My WHY Was Everything! 

Most people do not actually desire to cheat on their spouse , however, they may end up doing just that. When it comes to honoring our marriage vows, we have to ask ourselves a question: “Why is honoring my marriage important?”  There may be several answers to this one question but they should all point to one common place. 

I love my wife dearly and did not want to cheat on her, however, my main reason for honoring my marriage came from my desire to please God FIRST. I wanted to honor God beyond just words. I strived to honor Him with my body, my lifestyle and my behaviors.  Pleasing God was MY Why… This must also be YOUR Why.

Your reason for wanting to secure your marriage is the most important thing.  If your commitment isn’t rooted in Christ, then what is going to keep you when the going gets tough?  

My relationship with and submission to the Lord is what eventually prevented me from making a decision that could have destroyed my future and my family’s future. What I knew then but understand now is that my wife and I have a destiny to fulfill together and that the enemy would love to destroy God’s plans and purposes for us and our family in the Earth.

The same goes for all Kingdom marriages. We have an obligation to glorify God in the Earth through our union.  When it comes to choosing between life ( commitment to our vows) and death (extramarital affairs), the final decision must always rest on our relationship with Christ.

Clay & Keshia Momon, 

Unified Marriage Coaching

Www.UnitfiedMarriage.com 

About Clay & Keshia: 

Husband and Wife Unit, Clay and Keshia Momon, strongly believe that God is reestablishing Biblical Marriage and calling forth “Boss Units”; UNITfied couples, walking as one, who will glorify God, boldly rule & reign and activate their Kingdom Authority within their sphere of influence.

LOVE OR LUST

There was a saying when we were growing up that says” he loves me, he loves me not. Often young girls would grab a flower and pull the petals off one by one until they got to the last petal to determine if their young crush loved them or not. As young children we were all taught to chase after love and to shun lust. Lust could never provide what we truly needed only what we wanted.

We have often categorized lust as evil, a selfish desire that must be ignored at all costs. Those before us told us love is what we should be only seeking after. Although, there is some truth to both of these statements it is also some truth ignored.

Lust is something that is birthed out of the flesh. It is defined as a strong desire or need. However, no one told us in marriage there are things our flesh needs. There are strong desires that left unfulfilled, unchecked and overlooked will need to be quenched outside of the union sanctioned by God. It is up to the husband and the wife to discuss sexual needs and desires early on in marriage, preferably in premarital counseling. If the two individuals have a good understanding of what is expected and what is required it leaves little room for confusion.

The problem occurs when lust becomes uncontrollable. When it rages out of control and is not restricted. This is the importance of having boundaries and expectations set on the front end of the marriage. Also, we must remember marriage is about compromise and sacrifice.

We may have needs that outweigh our spouses ability to reciprocate. This should not happen often but when it does, the spouse who is feeling like they got the cold shoulder should show discipline.

Discipline is not something that we just automatically have or born with. Discipline has to be learned and practiced.

Paul frequently talks about disciplining our flesh. As a matter, Paul says we should make our body’s our slave. This puts a great perspective on the entire scenario, because often times we view our spouses as sex slaves. It does not matter if we have a healthy appetite for sex or a fleeting desire for sex. When we want sex, we expect that need to be met by our spouses.

However, if we discipline our body’s we can learn even in disappointment to be disciplined. Many times disappointment or unfulfilled desires can lead to frustration or even in extreme cases infidelity. However, infidelity is only an outward expression of an inner weakness. Consequently, that weakness is a lack of discipline. The best way to discipline the fleshy desires that we all have is denial. Denial is best practiced through fasting.

Paul tells us 1 Corinthians 7:5 that denying each other sex is equivalent to fraud and the only time it should happen is when both spouses are fasting. Then after the fast is over Paul gives the command to come together quickly, so that Satan will not be able to tempt us. Discipline is also a product of maturity. The more mature we become, the more disciplined we become. But again discipline must be learned and practiced, as frequent as possible. This gives us the ability to release our desires with the one God has eternally joined us to.

When we realize lust can only occur in the natural but love is birthed out of the spiritual. Then we can learn that our discipline must be rooted in love and not in lust.

SILENT TREATMENT

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; James 1:19

It is no secret in marriage how important communication is to the success of the marriage. As a matter of fact we can agree the importance of communication in any relationship is paramount. We must keep the lines of communication open at all times, whether it’s face-to-face, phone calls, text messages or unspoken gestures. There should never be an instance when two people who are in a relationship do not communicate.

However, there is a time and a place for everything, even silence. We all need quiet time and time to ourselves. It is important to our overall health and mental wellbeing. Quiet time allows us to recharge and refresh, especially if we are constantly on the go.

In order to properly communicate someone has to be silent and take time to listen. We often hear or associate the silent treatment with negativity. Usually the silent treatment is instituted when one person is upset at the other one. They then pledge to not say anything to the other party until they receive an apology or are no longer upset.

James starts off by telling us in the above scripture we should be swift to hear. This means we should making listening a priority. Honestly, hearing is an underrated and important part of communication. We have all heard about making sure we clearly communicate our points but rarely are we told to clearly hear the point of view of others. If we can learn to listen swiftly it would prevent a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Many times we misconstrue a point or point of view because we hear with our ears but do not listen with our hearts. If we endeavored to listen more with the layer of love we could avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict.

The layer of love is when we listen knowing the person we are talking to has our best interest at heart. There are times when conversations can take a turn for the worst. A simple discussion can flare up into an argument. During these times, it takes a mature person to realize no matter what is said, let me first consider the source. Once I consider the source, then I can properly process what was said during a conversation.

This should be especially true in marriage. A marriage is a union between a man and woman who love each other. They have committed to spend their lives together, through hardship and trials. Therefore they should have each other’s best interest at heart even during heated discussions.

This doesn’t mean nothing will ever be said that should have been said but rather the hearer can be silent long enough to process the words without being angry. James is saying be listen, process then respond and then get we respond in love it won’t be done in anger.

NO LIMITS

In 1997 a rapper by the name of Master P released his record label’s theme song. The song was entitled “No Limit Soldier” and summarized the entire record labels mentality. They were determined to break limits and to be in complete control of the record industry.

In our relationships we should have the same mentality to break all limits and to be in complete control of our marriages. We should have no limits in our marriages. We are not talking about boundaries and rules, we are talking about limits.

We serve a God without limits and we were made in the image and likeness of the one who has no limits. Therefore we are designed to live an UNLIMITED LIFE or a LIMITLESS LIFE. When two people pledge to coexist there is no limit to what they can achieve.

However, the only limits we possess are those we place on ourselves mentally. When we are equally yoked and our mindsets are designed to be in align, there’s absolutely nothing we cannot achieve as a couple.

It’s imperative we watch what we think, because what we think effects our words. They Bible tells us in Mark 11:24, that we shall have what we say. If we continues to speak words filled with limitations then we will see those limitations manifest themselves in our relationships.

When we say words like I can’t and that’ll never happen or words like no or never. They set up mental blockages in our minds and keep us from achieving the potential God has placed on the inside of us.

You may ask well what are limits? We are most familiar with speed limits, weight limits, etc Limits are restrictions, boundaries, roadblocks, encumbrances.

Spiritually, limits stop us from reaching our destiny. Limits stop us from reaching our full potential. Limits stop us from fulfilling our dreams.

Limits do not allow for growth and maturity, they hinder new relationships, new ideas, new concepts and new victories. They keep us boxed in to our past while forfeiting our future.

When we think of what we can’t do it is often based on what we failed at or what others failed at. Especially, old relationships we often bring in the baggage of disappointment into new relationships. This is not only unfair, it is unfruitful. No farmer plants seeds in bad soil. This exactly what happens when we wrap our minds around limitations.

However, God is trying to remind us of what we have succeeded at, what we have overcome, what He has delivered us from. The enemy only wants us to remember the bad, but God wants us to remember the good.

When we remember the good, we remember the potential that once never existed and manifested in our lives through hope, perseverance and the unwillingness to submit to limitations.

BIG DEAL

Hey everyone we are so excited because we have a guest blogger today! Her name is Lakisha Johnson and she was kind enough to bless us with an awesome blog today. The blog is entitled Big Deal

My son asked me a question the other day and it’s something I’ve been pondering on. He’d seen a post on social media and wanted to ask me for clarification. He asked, “why is marriage such a big deal in the eyes of God and He isn’t married?” Here’s what I explained to him … God is married. His bride is the church which is known as the Bride of Christ and He is the groom or the head of the household. As being the head of the household; God is protector, provider, faithful, loving and committed. Marriage is a big deal because God sees marriage as a sacred covenant between two people who chose each other.

 

Marriage by the dictionary’s definition is the state of being husband and wife but the bible tells me that marriage is a union created by God because He said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Yes, the bible says man is the head of the wife and wives should be submissive but God didn’t create the sanctity of marriage to give man controlling interest or dominion over a woman but He did so because He knew we’d need each other.

 

I don’t care how independent you are, we all need help and this may not be you but there are times when my husband can make everything alright. Sure, there are moments I can’t stand him and he can’t stand me but that’s a part of marriage too, right? (LOL.) Understand something, I am not a marriage guru but I’ve been in this thang for over 21 years and it hasn’t always been good. Truth is, we almost gave up a few times but that’s when we were allowing flesh to overshadow because we had religion but no relationship with God. We had to get to a place where we comprehended what marriage really is.

 

It’s so much more than the fairy tail proposal, the big wedding, the ring, the last name or a relationship status on Facebook. It isn’t the same as our grandparents’ marriage who stayed together 60+ years. Marriage is a big deal because marriage is a choice. See, God doesn’t force us to choose Him and when we do, we vow to be in relationship with Him as our only God. The same as marriage among a man and a woman. When we stand before our family and friends, committing our lives to one another, we do so taking a solemn oath to love one another, forsaking all others until death we do part. Why do you think it’s easy to marry but hard to divorce?

 

Baby, marriage is a big deal but it’s also hard work! You can’t pick and choose the day you want to fight for your marriage because the enemy doesn’t take a day off of trying to ruin it. There’s a common misconception that marriage is 50/50. LIES! Marriage is 100/100 because each partner has to give their all, ALL THE TIME! This is why you have to be absolutely sure that marriage is what you’re ready for.

Why is marriage a big deal? Because it’s the solemn, holy vow between a man and a woman who have decided to be each other’s prayer partner, helper, confidant, back scratcher, feet massager, cook, secret keeper, motivator, stress reliever and encourager. It’s a vow to be there through sickness and good health, good times and bad, debt and wealth. It’s a vow to be lifetime spades or dominoes partner who can help you talk smack at the family functions, hype man (or woman) even if you are losing, the one who makes you bite your lip cause you looking good in that suit or skirt, knowing what the look in his/her eyes mean, can read body language and know your partner is uncomfortable and ready to go, never putting the other in a place to be disrespected and the only one willing to fulfill every one of his/her sexual desires and fantasies.

 

Can I keep it real? When your wife takes off her good wig and all she has is the braids that got her looking rough but you still tell her she looks good, that’s marriage. When the business venture failed but you still tell him that you’re very proud of him, that’s marriage. When the cancer and chemo has wrecked havoc on the body and you still find them sexy, that’s marriage. When you’re mad and still willing to feed them, that’s marriage. When you can apologize and truly forgive, that’s marriage. Marriage isn’t selfishness but it’s sacrifice and sacred. Marriage is giving up what you saw momma and daddy did, if it doesn’t work for your house. Marriage isn’t bitterness, it’s bettering one another. Marriage isn’t anger, it’s figuring stuff out. Marriage isn’t giving up but it’s holding on.

 

Look, I’ll never tell a person to stay in a marriage that is abusive, not loving and isn’t worth fighting for. However, if your marriage is worth it then make it a big deal. Pray for one another, more. Love each other, more. Encourage and build one another, more. Date each other, more. Take vacations and make memories, more. Most importantly, trust your partner based on them and not your past. Marriage, one created on the foundation of God is a big deal and it’s an even bigger deal when you love the commitment and the companion.

 

“But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Mark 10:6-8

Lakisha is a self-published author, she’s also a wife of 21 years, mother of 2, Co-Pastor, Sr. Business Analyst and Devotional Blogger. You can find out more about her here authorlakishajohnson.com

WWJD

There was a saying that became popular years ago, it said “What Would Jesus Do”. We must ask ourselves what would Jesus do in our relationships. Perhaps we may say Jesus was not married so we cannot anticipate or imagine what He would do. However, Jesus was, and still is, married to the church.

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23

We can model our relationship after Jesus’ relationships. In every instance and circumstance we can ask ourselves What Would Jesus Do?

There is also a common saying, that says “I will forgive you but I will not forget.” A lot of the sayings we have adopted sound good to our flesh but they do not feed our spirit. We must remember everything Jesus did He did in love. The very foundation and source of what Jesus did was rooted in love. It was Him living His life through the lens of love that allowed Him to forgive the perpetrators who crucified Him unjustly.

Many of us are quick to hold grudges against those we profess to love eternally. Jesus forgave His enemies and not just the ones He loved. Forgiveness is an essential element of Christendom.

It is a common misnomer that forgiveness is a one-time event. Although we may only say we forgive someone once, it is sometimes a life-long process. Forgiving is healing.